you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
