The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
It's rum buckets o'clock
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
