Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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