You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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