I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
