i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Randomize
