So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
