the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
where are my pants?
in the oven.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
