"it" just moved
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Randomize
