Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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