I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
