I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
