The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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