Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
