Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Alive.
So much puke
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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