At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
