It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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