like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
