This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
