At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
