people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
