Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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