I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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