Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize