she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
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There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
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Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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