Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
