this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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