This is not my ceiling
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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