I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
so much tequila, so little girl.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
