worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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