my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
