I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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