i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
