Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
