I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
