dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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