I'm pants shitting drunk right now
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
My bed is full of blood and feathers
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
