eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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