I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
