took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
