I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
How's work?
Spinning.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
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