in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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