Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
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