I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
