New invention idea: vibrating tampons
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
The air was thick with penises
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
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