'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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