I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize
