I think scott just propositioned me for sex
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
