he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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