I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
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