Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
two words: eviction party
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Randomize
