mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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