I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
