Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
