I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
