Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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