and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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