I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
