Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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