It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Randomize
