i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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